OBSESSION

From: April ~

Obsession:

An idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind.

Oswald Chambers writes in his book, The Highest Good—The Pilgrim’s Song Book:

The remarkable thing about fearing God is that when you fear God you fear nothing else, whereas if you do not fear God you fear everything else. “Blessed is every one that feareth the Lord”…  

Obsession is all around us- but lately (as in over the last several years), I’ve noticed it taking hold of not only my life, but people in and around my life as well. It’s so subtle and most times unrecognizable to ourselves but from the outside looking in, it’s so clear.

In my experience, when I or anyone I know has obsessed over something, or someone, it’s almost always a response to fear. Fear of not having that person, or that something.

I was once in a relationship where the toxicity was oozing, but yet so addicting at the same time.

I tend to attract people with jacked up childhood issues. Maybe because mine was so cookie cutter and sheltered. Maybe I craved REAL life? I may never know.

BUT I’ve had quite enough of real life now, thank you.

With that being said, this person had a lot of things rooted prior to meeting me. Things that caused emotional imbalance and irrational behaviors towards me.  Interestingly, this has been the trend in the last three of my relationships, including my husband. Anyone else who was “normal”, I would always ditch. With no good reason.

But I was so in love with these people that I overlooked what I needed- so that I could provide what they needed.

So what I’ve realized is that I have been obsessed with broken people.

But their brokenness….broke me.

Not that I am not broken in my own way- but when you obsess over something or someone as much as I did, you tend to overlook your own pain. Always focusing on THEIR pain. How can I make THEIR life better? How can I make THEM happy?

Deep down you know something isn’t quite right. And you are consistently confused about the future with them or even what tomorrow looks like.

This is toxic.

If you live in a state of rollercoaster-ville- you may be in a toxic relationship. Get off the ride now.

And you can fill in the blank with almost anything here. Whether it be a person, a substance, an object or even food, or KIDS….whatever it is that takes up most of your thought process (Other than God himself)…. It’s toxic.

“But the highs are better than the lows”.

For now maybe, but pretty soon, they will start to even out to 50/50…..then not long after that the bad starts to overtake the good more and more and more….and suddenly you are broken, face down on the floor. You can no longer see good but for some reason can’t seem to shake this person, or thing. The hope for the “good” has you on a hook and won’t let go.

There is a difference between obsession and addiction- but sometimes, there’s not.

Perhaps my fear is not being able to be myself. So much of my life I was controlled. This has made it difficult to figure out who I am growing up, and has even made making decisions hard for me as an adult.

When we obsess, we lose who we really are. Or we make our search for ourselves even more difficult. We search for ourselves within these obsessions. But this is very dangerous.

For me, I think that was the case. Subconsciously seeking people who were broken and “real” so that I COULD be me and not feel guilty or feel like I’m not good enough to do so.

Isn’t that what God is for? To love us no matter what? Why do we search for security and stability in things that are so insecure and unstable?

There is so much psychology in this topic.

So now as I observe things around me, I am quickly able to notice others on this path,  because I have been there. I spent a lot of time there. Part of me is still there.

We are all there.

The difference is recognizing that you are there. You can be there for years and not know it. But just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean you aren’t.

The difference is recognizing it, and DAILY giving it to God. If you don’t know what it is that you obsess over or about, ask God to reveal it and deal with it.

If you’ve been told by a friend that maybe you are on a toxic path….listen. Your judgement is clouded and your vision is blurred in this circumstance and can’t be trusted.

It is painful. It is gut wrenching. But in order to put God in the place of obsession, we have to prune. And that’s never fun.

But the more that is pruned, the more clearly you can see.

The obsessions may linger for a while… weeks, months, years, but if we FEAR GOD, we have nothing else to fear.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s