in the waiting

From: Julie ~

In the turn of the century, two young people fell in love and married. They started to raise a family and have children. Shortly after she recommitted her life Christ and began to take her children to church without him. Every week for 40 years she prayed his heart would change and that He would accept Jesus as his own. She was patient in her waiting, knowing that God would fulfill the promise He spoke to her. Children grew, moved, married and even grandchildren came, and still she prayed. Then one morning she went to wake him and he had passed away while sleeping. She mourned his love but also that in all their years of marriage he had never professed to be a Christian. He died of a heart problem they said, and as she started going through his things she found a letter in his drawer addressed to her. He told her he knew he was sick and that he asked God to forgive him of his sins before he went to sleep and he would meet her again one day in Heaven. The letter was dated the night he died and my great-grandmothers prayers had finally been answered.

Forty years of waiting and I can barely handle waiting for my bread to toast. Patience has never been my best quality or even a small quality on most days. My husband was blessed with endless patience and can handle any waiting room with stride. I have to tap my toes, glare at the clock and check my phone about a thousand times while waiting 5 minutes on an appointment. My son gets his impatience from me and its funny to watch him at six show signs of this lovely legacy that I have passed down.

I used to pray for patience, but then got worried if God decided to wait to give it to me then I would become more frustrated in the waiting. There are only a few times in my life that I can truly look back and realize I was patient and usually it’s surrounded with great moments. Waiting on a child’s birth, waiting on Christmas to come, waiting to meet my husband after praying for him and so on. But mixed with those great stories are also many times I have failed miserably in the waiting room. Peeking at Christmas presents one year (my mom caught me red-handed), jumping into the wrong job or relationship because I couldn’t wait for the right one and even running ahead of God’s timing because I couldn’t wait for Him to speak “go.”

Fear catches me waiting. It speaks to me of doubt and worry and tells me to be scared in the unknown.

Right now, we are in a waiting period as we go through the steps of adoption. Wondering and waiting is the game we are playing. Sometimes it’s fun to imagine and guess when and what but sometimes fear creeps in telling us the adoption will never happen and so on… 

Maybe you are in a waiting period too. Maybe it’s the actual waiting room or your waiting for a miracle in your home, marriage, finances etc. The only thing I know to do in the waiting, to conquer fear taking over, is pray. 

I pray into the darkness of the waiting and then I don’t feel I’m waiting alone. 

I can’t imagine how my great-grandmother felt praying for a solid forty years. Did she doubt God? Did she fear the promise, that God had given her about her husbands salvation, would never come to fruition? I don’t know as I only saw her through a child’s eyes. But I do remember a phrase she said over and over every time we visited. She would take my hand and with eyes of wonder say, “But do you know, God is on the move? He is, you know. God is on the move.” And through those very words, looking back now, I believe she always kept that phrase close to her heart as she prayed for her husband all those years.

As I drove to work this morning, I was a blubbering mess of worry in the waiting. The fear of unknown in our adoption story, finances and even Christmas presents came to mind. So the only thing I could do is just release it to God. I started to pray over this child’s protection, his/her birth mothers protection and safety. I prayed for our finances and God to speak to me in this waiting period. I asked that God would help me to wait on His timing and guidance before skipping ahead to anything. And I also spoke to the fear that seems to cloud my waiting room. I told it that it had no purpose because God was on the move. He is going on our behalf and has a plan so great we can’t even imagine. He is moving and whispering and shaking mountains all around us as His spirit moves to accomplish His glory. Even if it takes forty years. 

Maybe in your waiting room you need to be reminded as well. “Do you know God is on the move? He is, you know. God is on the move.” 




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